Lists are popular these days.
Seems like everyone has one. This phenomena has not caught me unaware. This morning, I decided to create my own list, a simple list. Here are the 7 things I hate to hear in the morning.
1) My alarm going off.
Prior to this unpleasant moment I could have been a literal polar bear in hibernation, but no matter how much sleep I get, I can’t help but want to drown my cell phone in the nearest puddle after hearing it go off.
2) My alarm NOT going off.
The only thing worse than hearing my alarm every morning, is not hearing it. I sometimes think I would rather endure a litany of Chinese tortures from the early dynasty than oversleep. And every single time it happens, I could have sworn I set it. There must be some band of ninja gremlins sneaking into my room at night just to turn off my alarm. But all of this pales in comparison to….
3) Someone waking me up before my alarm – for an absolutely arbitrary reason
Oh yes, you know how I feel, don’t you? You know how a bowl of Wheaties starts the day off right? Well when someone wakes me up before my time, i feel like dumping a bowl of Wheaties on their head, and then beating them with a spoon.
4) My dog waking me up to go to the bathroom, and then not going to the bathroom.
Among the maddening trials of pet ownership, this one is the cream on the top of the giant crap cake. Don’t get me wrong, i love my little ball of fluff, but when she wakes me up for this reason and then I realize I woke up for nothing… well I tend to rearrange my list of pets I would eat if I was starving during the apocalypse…
5) Obnoxious music
One of the many joys of apartment living is the occasional “sleep-in-Saturday” where you make distinctive plans to sleep until the sun rises and sets. Why is it then, that the neighbor who lives below you chooses this day, of all days, to play whatever horrifying loud and obnoxious music they decide passes for “good”.
6) Someone elses dog barking
You heard what I fantasize about with my own dog, so feel free to do the math on this one.
7) And finally, the most annoying of all, the fire alarm
It seems ridiculous, yes, because fire alarms are there to protect us. FALSE. Fire alarms are there to protect us WHEN THERE IS A FIRE… but when there is NO fire… well then they just suck. Thankfully, since moving out of various apartment complexes in my lifetime, i have had to deal with this less and less, but I was reminded of its annoyance when the smoke detector in my house started beeping from a dead battery. Thank you for being just obnoxious enough to make me attempt to go back to sleep, but not quite so obnoxious to make me get out of bed… leaving me in a perpetual state of deciding which is worse, not sleeping or getting up. This is a decision no one should ever have to make.